More Humor and Pathos
Still hung up on humor and pathos
Historical fiction writer retires from the humor and pathos of the corporate maze into which too many good people get lost. Before I go, I think I should write a book about my last experience where so little humor and too much pathos aptly describes my last “day” job. You see, I have come to the conclusion, after so much pathos and so little humor, that I am absolutely through with that part of the world in which I don’t belong. I think I will call my book something like “When on a Sinking Ship Find the Wine Cellar.” This new book will not be anything at all like my last titles, Dancing Backward in Paradise and Hearts Upon a Fragile Bough. Oh, no, it will be a horror, fantasy. Told with humor and pathos, of course.
I have nothing nice to say about the witches I left behind, the caldron I narrowly escaped. At first, I thought they were all a bunch of friendly grandmothers, who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Well, let me tell you, these plump, suburban looking sweeties had more rev in their engines than a corvette in a no speed zone. Looks are certainly deceiving. They were as ruthless as any bully boy I’ve worked with, and I’ve worked with more than a few of those. When I use the term “ruthless,” I refer to a cold, calculating deadness that personifies their lack of humanity. These pleasant little witches can best be described as sour, limited and lacking in foresight, grace, and overall integrity. Yes, they can teach little children to read, maybe. Or maybe the ego behind their tax shelter merely likes spending money.
I’m glad I’m a writer. I can put it all into a book. That’s right, a fantasy book. Okay, my main character will be Crafty Clarissa, the one with the night terrors. Jeez, am I surprised? If I had her life I’d have night terrors too. She’s really messed up, this crafty little witch. She likes to seek out suckers for her caldron, led there by false promises and desperation. Oh, then there’s Crafty Clarissa’s sidekick. She’s the one that makes the brew for Crafty Clarissa’s caldron. She makes the brew because she can’t really do anything else, aside from talking marvelously on her cell phone. We’ll call her Marvelous Talk. Marvelous Talk lights the fire under Crafty Clarissa’s caldron and cooks all the suckers Crafty Clarissa has lured into the bubbly highly toxic brew.
Then there’s this little elf, a rather annoying little do-gooder who eats the cooked suckers and falls into a swoon before the feet of Marvelous Talk and Crafty Clarissa. We’ll call her Daffy Waffy. She’s really annoying.
As the plot unfolds, we find that Crafty Clarissa emasculates her husband. Are we surprised? Marvelous Talk fantasizes all day that lesbians are everywhere, and perhaps even the Big Honcho Witch, Wow Wow, and her esteemed lackey, Twitchy Bissy, are a very ambiguous item.
Needless to say, Wow Wow and Twitchy Bissy are not really creative enough for lesbian activity but Marvelous Talk swears that lesbians are everywhere. You know, like Gail and Oprah? Betty and Veronica? Calamity Jane? She confides her fears to Crafty Clarissa, who upon hearing this, undergoes an increase in night terrors.
So, as the story progresses, Little elf, Daffy Waffy, accidently falls into the caldron meant for an innocent little four year old, who has developed a stutter from reading too many of Wow Wow’s decodable horror stories. Wow Wow writes horror stories for children because, according to Marvelous Talk, she’s bi-Polar, a real horror, if you get my drift. Well, when poor little Daffy Waffy gets wind of this, she throws herself into Crafty Clarissa’s cauldron and sizzles in hot oil. Needless to say, she’s a goner. But she does manage to toss the dazed four year old to the safety of the fairy tale section of Barnes and Noble.
But don’t fret, this little ditty somehow has a happy ending because the real heroine, Me, (let’s call her Victory Vera) finds the wine cellar. Oh, in the end, Crafty Clarissa and Marvelous Talk are devoured by wild salesmen, who really don’t like amateurs. The slimy little witches were noticed at a Super Duper Reading convention and tossed back into oblivion, where hopefully, they will remain behind the pages of their hooey, gooey word walls.
Now that I’m back in one piece, I’ve decided I really like real estate. When working with a witch, you can refer them out.
Vera Jane Cook
Award Winning Must Read Women’s Fiction. Dancing Backward In Paradise was published in November 2006 and received rave reviews from Armchair Interviews and Midwest Book reviews, as well as an Eric Hoffer and Indie Excellence award in the Literary fiction category for notable new fiction in 2007. Hearts Upon a Fragile Bough, Ms. Cook’s second novel, was published this year and will be followed by its sequel, At the End of a Whisper, in 2010. To learn more about her books you can visit her web site at www.verajanecook.com
To contact the author send an email to jane@verajanecook.com
unique challenge coin holders Where To Buy Cheap Handbags hagen pumps
black messenger diaper bag Buyer Sewerage Pump India easy spirt shoes
club penguin money cheats! Buy Sesto Meucci Shoes In Florence slipper socks?
vista boot screen sp1 Buy Adidas Clothing And Shoes Cheap diamondback fitness 1260ef elliptical trainer
bottom suction submersible pump? Where To Buy Dc Shoes spring-lock metal label holders for binders,
waterproof hiking boots, Buy Domestic Water Pump single strap totes
money market certifcate of deposit Buying 2.5 Ton Heat Pump world of warcraft netherweave bag
ariat womens sandals Buy Online Adi Adidas Shoes milk bags
Coco chanel handbag door holders 165. Buy Soccer Boot fitness professional trainer
discount bridal shoes, Buy Built Ny Laptop Bag memory foam insoles for shoes
carolina shoes Double Skinned Latex Bags Buy australian ugg boots
new shoes Fuel Pump Buyers Guide camper shoes store san francisco,
win money playing free games? Buy Walking Boots how to money origami
rockport boots To Buy Wholesales Shop Bag winter hiking boots
dance boots Buying Sas Shoes bosch fuel pump
concrete pump for sale? Buy Born Mens Shoes Au wolverine safety shoes
satchel paige Buy Oversized Clutch Purse mbt vs chung shi shoes
totes insulated bags Buy Wholesale Designer Handbags “money millionaire”
microsoft money software vista operating system Atletica Soccer Shoes Buy tivoli chattanooga tn
brighton silver purse? Buy Cornhole Bags In Cleveland hard golf bag travel case
money transfer vigo Buy Protege Shoes Dallas bogs boots women’s 9
mee shee purse, Where Can Buy Newspaper Bags aim clutch;
“earnings money” Where To Buy Miu Miu Bags Rump pump handbag wholesale 171.
clamp wedge loc Clutch Head Screws Where To Buy rogers boots;
cheer shoes Anya Hindmarch Plastic Bag Buy brown blue backpack
clear acrylic id card holder 1 Gallon Tea Bag Buy water pump seal trx250r
golf bag Buy Pacer Pumps Surgical autoclave holders white mt shoes 458.
steve madden cecillia boot; Buy Online Inflatable Shipping Bags over the shoulder bag
“public royalty shoes” Buy Breathaliser Electronics Boots adidas megabounce women’s shoes
coin purse frame Buy Blundstone Boots pollette pointe shoes
walbro fuel pump Buy Wide Width Womens Shoes fit one redding boot camp;
elliptical trainer Best Place To Buy Sneakers pump and alignment and piping
skinning trainer? Men Open Slipper Buy money folding tricks
electronic flight bag Jazz Shoes Buy designer lunch totes
vertical pump mounted vibration analysis! Where To Buy Crumpler Camera Bags jump boots
solar waterfall pump Buy New Heat Pump japanese wwii boots
large red patent totes handbags Buy Handbag ballys shoes
money maker Buy Paratech Low Pressure Bags variable speed well pump controlers
tool pole rod holders with rubber Buy Girls Beachfeet Boots bag borrow steal
“watering can handbag” Buy Lunch Bag olive shoes
earth shoes loafers Shoes Buyer down sleeping bag
Circulator pump quilted patterns for purses 793. Buy 14 Hole Ranger Boot Lace bicycle saddle bags for computer
clutch bakerton band Buy Peper Bag windows xp pro boot disk
buying foreign money Buy Boots Online laptop backpack
Silver post it note holder toe cleavage pumps 1. Buy Burton Si Boots tattoo purse spider
friends with money Buy Wholesale Candle Holders bag
betseyville women’s ginny lace up pump Buy Burlington Coat Factory Shoes source to buy canvas grocery bags
“wilden pump” Buy Shoes grocery bags
mid calf slouch boots Australian Uff Boots Buy Online marc jacobs handbag
macys ugg boots! Where To Buy Chloe Boots ladies cheap leather purses
star wars new hope backpack Buy Vacuum Bags hair bow holder
wacker pump Buy Shapeup Shoes the mystic shoes
chelsea boot women Buy Bean Bags toiletry bag
dirt devil bags Boys Sandals Pictures Buy Sell Trade how to make a water pump
electric water pumps Buy Born Shoes Au air wedge pillow!
$50 replica gucci handbags Firetrap Shoes Buy Onli8ne custom made handbags?
silver sneakers Wedge Shaped Pillows Buy In Store infant snow boots
tri-clover pump Buy Shoes Online Canada mystery shoppers san diego ca
boys boots Buy Saddle Shoes black diamond haul bag ebay
ed hardy tote Buy Two Different Size Shoes goldfish crackers in bags;
egyptian money Rugby Boots Buying Guide fairbanks morse pumps!
roxy shoes Where To Buy Enema Bag Foot joy golf shoes prada sandals 71.
xp sp2 slow boot Buy Skate Shoes With Paypal “google money system”
music and its impact on shoppers Buying Running Shoes heat pump price?
Diaper bags for infants cowan shoes 279. Buy Heat Pump anywear shoes
compost tea aquarium pumps Buy Wholesale Handbags In Tx money for surveys
